Philip Morris has unveiled plans for a smaller cigarette to cater for the age of the smoking-ban. ‘Marlboro Intense’ will deliver the same potency while taking less time to puff, and is designed to appeal to employees who are forced to take quick outdoor cigarette breaks while at work, often in cold weather. The cigarette, which is 7.2cm long, compared with the normal 8.5cm.

Black says: ‘These brands should be themed! We envisage asking for 20 Toulouse, 20 Thumberlina’s or 10 Tom Thumb’s please. What names would you give them ?

* Warning: Smoking can stunt your growth.